On Authenticity

Hello everyone!  Thank you for reading this.  I find it challenging to write, but this is where I am at with my process.

I will start out by saying that I am bi…yes I am attracted to both and have been taking a lengthy break from dating men since my partner passed away…three years this December.

I have always been into chicks since I was a teenager,  but it came into fruition. .my realization that it was a bit more than simple crushes that I had on girls.

It was after I graduated college that’s when my closet hit me. ..I was hiding in it all these years.  I was 22 back then when my own inner turmoil began..the messages playing in my head. ..”it’s not right…” and that “you’ll lose friends. ” Back and forth tug of war mulling in my head. ..but still in a crowded room my eye couldn’t help latching onto the beauty that walked in. I felt I wanted more to say other than..”I like your dress…” or “your perfume smells good. ”

I wanted to say I think you are hot..do you want to go out with me? Totally unheard of ten years ago. .but now..I have taken ownership of who I am attracted to.  I know that I won’t get the approval of others.  They won’t be able to fathom how two same energies are literally attracted to each other.

Well peeps, I am tired of fighting more so the explaining that I have to do to get past all the roadblocks who don’t just let people just be. Funny,  I went to Burning Man and I have a better understanding of that.

Last night,  I made out with a hot chick and we were comfortable in having our pics taken. She was comfortable with that and I wanted to push myself and see what that is like at the same time being ok with my own boundaries.  I have mulled over posting a pic of me and her kissing on my Facebook page.

What will I lose? A couple of deletes that really don’t define me…or the OMG…did you see that pic? Already a judgment is passed.

So I decided to not hide…I want to get in touch with being myself. .being authentic.  I want to feel comfortable testing my own boundaries and see how that makes me grow as a person.  I know my limits and yes there are limits. ..and to show the world what I stand for and not hide because of the opinions of others is keeping it real.  I chose to keep it real and keeping it real is being authentic.

–Michelle

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